Puppy Love

In honor of February, which not only host Black History Month, but also host one of, if not the most, overrated holiday known to man (Valentine’s Day) I would like to dedicate the next 28 days to reasons why black relationships fail. Now let’s not be so narrow minded; the reality is that most of the reasons that we will cover this month are applicable to all ethnic groups, but it’s just easier for me to speak from a “black perspective…go figure! If you have ever owned a puppy or just been in the presence of one, you know how “adorable” they can be. If you are around them for an extended period of time, then you will surely come to realize that while they have their adorable moments, they can become a pain the behind very quickly. The same applies to new relationships. Our new beginnings start out so fresh and everything is so cute but if these issues are not addressed, they will quickly turn into a complete waste of time and energy.  The following are 5 suggestions to help your young relationship mature…

   Extend Your Research- In the beginning most people are just trying not to “show” their flaws too early. You answer every call, stay up for hours, always trying to include the other person…stuff like that. What we often fail to do though, is play 21 questions. You need to ask everything under the soon. Get a feel for their future plans, the way they live, the company they keep etc. If you plan on having a more sexual relationship (which I highly discourage) you need to ask about their background in that area and absolutely, positively get tested…at the same time…at the same place…with results in hand. Just saying! Gather as much information that you can so that when you make relationship decisions, you are making the best decisions possible.

  Prioritize Your Time- When you can’t give a new puppy your undivided attention, you have to place the puppy in an atmosphere where they still feel safe and secure (i.e. a puppy crate). There are times where you have other things on your plate, but because you are in a new relationship, you try to make all of your time available to your significant other. This is ridiculous. Be honest about what you have going on, come up with a plan that will let them know when you will be able to see and talk to them again, and when that time comes, don’t be late or not call. You will reinforce the safety in being able to trust you in the relationship. Don’t stop your normal activity or put other commitments on hold, because you are in a new relationship.

Don’t Suffocate Each Other- My goodness…you NEED some alone time. You NEED time to still kick it with your friends. This staying on the phone until the wee hours or having to spend all your “free” time together is insane and will become obsolete as your relationship progresses. 

  Keep it Fun- Don’t neglect group outings and having fun with other people. When you find yourself not having enough variety in your relationship and always looking to each other to hang out with, it will be easier to start a pattern of very destructive behavior.

Set Appropriate Boundaries Early- If your last relationship failed because you couldn’t resist physical temptation. Meet outside of the apartment or set a “curfew” and actually hold each other accountable to it. Clearly communicate your expectations and define your terms. If a person is not agreeable or has a lack of understanding, you can’t expect them to just comply with your wishes or respect your boundaries.