Is Seeing Really Believing?

So I couldn't figure out what I was going to write about today, but after reading this article on CNN I got inspired. Everyone has heard the phrase, "Seeing is Believing". It's supposed to underscore the idea that only physical or concrete evidence is convincing. This article I was reading highlighted the fact that there are certain resorts, and hotels that use photos to advertise their amenities in such a way that after you "see" it you are CONVINCED that it has to be as real as it looks. In relationships we tend to get drawn in by what we see, regardless of how often we have been fooled before, believing that if we see it, it has to be real; especially if we see them or what they are doing and they don't know we're watching. But Oh Contraire my friends...you can be fooled over and over again, simply by buying into first sight. The following is a breakdown of what the article claims happens and how that principle applies to relationships.

Taking a photo from a certain angle- Picture this; there is a guy/girl with great poise and presence. They command the room when they enter it, they blow us away with their charm and they are just an exquisite physical specimen. Well often times what you are witnessing is this individual at their best. They are prepared, focused and seemingly have it all together. However, upon closer review, when their comfort zone is compromised, when the external and random variables of life come crashing in on them, you could get a completely different beast. You could get a person who was once calmed is now panicked, once controlled and now scattered brained, once cool and confident now paranoid and jealous. Just because you initial vantage point of this person is positive, doesn't mean that they will remain that way in other situations.

Getting dressed up for picture day- This principle applies to the individuals who will spend their last dime just so their closet is full of closet full of Alexander McQueen, Prada, Gucci, Chanel
D&G, BCBG, Versace, Louie and BeBe. Don’t get me wrong…not saying you shouldn’t want nice things, but not to the degree where you are maxing out credit cards; it’s just not fiscally responsible and no one wants to be in relationship with that. I’m not opposed to you being put together, but when you can’t function without it….now that’s a problem.

Zooming in- “Putting your best foot forward” is something that we should all try to do.  And when that’s done, we tend to Zoom In simply on the package that is presented to us. However, when we zoom out and re-focus we usually see everything that makes this person them…more specifically the people they hang around with. We see the hating friends, the ex-boyfriend/girlfriends, we see the low lifes, losers and other riff raff that could spell doom to your relationship. When you look at the object of your affection and the people around them are pushing and challenging them to be better, are supportive but have lives of their own then you may be zooming in on a winner.

Sexy lady phenomenon- I once knew a girl who, on a normal day she was a sweats, t-shirt and ball cap type of girl; you know real unassuming. However, when it was time to step out, boy she really cleaned up. This principle doesn’t really apply to this person. Just because you look one way in one setting doesn’t mean you don’t know how to be dress appropriate for another setting. No; what this principle applies to is the girl (because mostly girls do this) who are Yackey All-Stars, draw on their eyebrows, pay for their “ass-sets” and would never let you see them “sweat”. I mean the best way to describe getting dressed up for picture day is that episode of “Fresh Prince” where Will and Tisha Campbell were trapped in the basement during an earthquake. The once attractive Campbell ended up simply being enhanced by fake nails, a wig, and stuffing in her chest area… be who you are all the time…and somebody will like it…trust me! You don’t have to become Beyonce Minaj Kardashian.

 
So what can you do to avoid a crisis in a relationship? Do your research. See how the person you are feeling responds in different environments. Ask people about them just to see what kind of impression they have perceived. Go up to the person and ask them out…and once you do that ask them all the questions you really want to know; might as well get it over with so that you don’t end up wasting your time. When all that fails, trust your instinct…and if you ended up being wrong…start again. You are bound to get it right someday!